Not Just Fixing Kids… Building Leaders Through Martial Arts with Chief Master Greg Moody, Senior Master Laura Sanborn, and Mr. Dwayne Flees

Sincerely,

Impromptu Zoom Meeting – March 03

Martial arts is about building leaders, not just fixing kids @ 0:00

The group discusses how parents often enroll their kids in martial arts for reasons like building self-confidence, self-discipline, physical fitness, or self-defense. However, they soon realize that martial arts is about developing students into excellent leaders and people, not just fixing behavioral issues. The instructors share stories of students who overcame challenges like autism or shyness to become confident, disciplined leaders.

Instilling positive habits and behaviors @ 2:59

The group explains how they intentionally teach students positive habits and behaviors like saying “yes sir/ma’am”, making eye contact, and introducing themselves. This creates a culture of respect and discipline, rather than just nagging the kids to behave a certain way. The positive reinforcement the students receive helps these behaviors become ingrained.

Martial arts provides structured development that parents can’t @ 8:15

The instructors note that as parents, they can’t always provide the structured, consistent development that martial arts training offers. Things like teaching leadership skills, public speaking, and self-discipline are difficult for parents to impart on their own. Martial arts fills that gap, giving students a dedicated environment to build these critical life skills.

Recap and next steps @ 32:37

The group wraps up the discussion, agreeing that the core value of martial arts is developing students into excellent, confident leaders, not just fixing behavioral issues. They discuss potential topics for the next podcast episode, including exploring the “levels” of development that martial arts provides.

 

Impromptu Zoom Meeting – March 03

@16:55 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Okay, everybody, thanks for being here. Another one of our success seminars. Appreciate having. you. Senior Master Laura Sanborn and Mr.

@17:01 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

Dwayne Flees here. Thanks a lot for being here, guys. Yes, sir.

@17:06 – Laura Sanborn

Yes, sir.

@17:07 – Chief Master Greg Moody

So our topic today is what people start in martial arts for their kids about, you know, specifically parents, what they think martial arts is about, and then what it ends up being about for them later.

And people come into martial arts almost always for one of four primary reasons. Reason number one, they want more self-confidence.

Reason number two, they want self-discipline. And reason number three, you want to get physical fitness for their physical activity, especially since school doesn’t really provide that anymore, or in many cases.

And then reason number four is safety or self-defense. And so those are the four primary reasons when somebody enrolls that usually it’s one primary of those four that they want to get when they come to karate belt martial arts.

What we find, though, in a short amount of time, after maybe just a couple weeks, they realize it’s not just for that.

It’s… It’s… It’s… So that their kids can develop into something greater, something bigger, and develop into excellence and leadership.

And we’re very serious about that. And parents start to see that that’s what we do is about, rather than just kind of, you know, build up self-confidence over a couple weeks.

So maybe, Mr. Flees, you want to talk about some experiences you’ve had with parents that have kind of had that realization?

@18:28 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

Yeah, that’s one of our leadership students now. When they first came in, boy was, they wanted him to have more confidence, and he was nervous every time he came to class.

We had to go coach him to get him to come inside. He was sometimes uncontrollable. We had to work with him really individually, a lot of times, so that he would even just come in and get on the mat.

But after a few times that we were able to do that, and he started to show some growth in that area, that’s when our parents realized.

We that this is something more than just karate class.

@19:05 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Yeah, those are amazing stories when that happens. So, I mean, it makes sense that a parent would be really focused on wanting to fix those behavioral issues that he had and challenges.

But then imagine when those behavioral issues get fixed and now the vision they can have for their child, you know?

@19:24 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

Yeah, and when we talked about it before they went into leadership, my mom was pretty weepy about that. So it’s a future flaw.

Well, and I can share my personal story about that.

@19:39 – Chief Master Greg Moody

My son started when he was three and a half, as you guys know, and he was diagnosed with autism right before that.

So he couldn’t speak very well. He couldn’t, you know, have a conversation. He could kind of understand you, but he couldn’t really say any intelligible words.

And I always like to say. His first words were, hi-yah, you know, and so for me even, as a parent who had been doing this at that time for 20 years already, I was, you know, a little nervous about this.

know, nervous, is he going to be able to do it, first of all, and then second, is he going to make progress?

And what ended up happening is, he became one of our best instructors, fourth-degree black belt, he was laude at his college when he graduated, captain of his football team, all that stuff I really believe is about the discipline and confidence, but then expanding on that to a new level, so our expectations of him were really high, and Senior Master Sanborn, you’re the one that really did that with him, because you were the one training him, it wasn’t me.

And what would you say about that change in development?

@20:55 – Laura Sanborn

Well, it just shows that leadership, a lot of times, people… … We correlate leadership just to confidence. And it’s not just that.

There are so many other levels of it that are imparted as the kids go through a leadership program and continue on with it to just, yes, confidence is a big part.

We get the kids up in front of everybody. They have to be able to look people in the eye.

They’re learning how to shake hands with people, ask people their names. So some basic life skills that seem to be just confidence, but they’re really habits and discipline that we’re imparting with them as well.

The habit should be that you look people in the eye when you talk to them. It’s a discipline. It’s not just, oh, I have the confidence to look at somebody.

I know the difference it makes when I look somebody in the eye when I’m talking to them. I know that if I ask somebody their name, it has reservations down the way.

Like they’re more friendly toward me because I said hi. What? What’s your name? My name is this. I’ve introduced myself.

It starts a relationship with somebody. So, yeah, there’s just so many levels that go with that. Again, like Mr.

Flees said, it’s not just about fixing something for some kid. It’s about building layers for kids. Well, the adults, too, for that matter, because there’s adults that come in that think they’re all confident in their job until they find out, oh, you know what?

Now I can stand in front of people for a presentation. Now I can look at a whole set of just more people.

So there’s more to it. There’s more to everything that we do, but specifically when we’re talking about leadership and that karate isn’t fixing things for people, it’s building things in people.

@22:53 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Yeah, I think one of the things you mentioned about how we introduce people is even using the words, yes, sir, and yes, ma’am.

You know, I noticed my son would say yes sir and yes ma’am to somebody selling them ice cream, and the person changed how they looked because some little kid, a seven-year-old, called him sir or her ma’am, and it made a big difference in how they responded to him.

So what I heard there was also that when the students learn the things that we teach them, and they do that externally to the school, which is part of our charter, that they are outside of the school and show integrity and responsibility, that other people treat them differently, other people treat them better, and so they get reinforced by that behavior, they get reinforced by behaving this way, and then they can feel more confident.

So it’s not just be confident and then do stuff, it’s act a certain way, like you said, disciplined, but also the behavioral things that we do, and then people will treat you better.

Now, when they treat me better, I feel like I can have more confidence. More confidence with people if I’m confident, if I am comfortable that they’re going to treat me better.

If I’m worried about how they treat me, then I’m going to be less confident and less confident.

@24:13 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

Yeah. And I think that’s going to definitely, uh, pay dividends when they’re, when they go to college, their career.

Um, right now I’m Dr. Scott Shaw with one of his criminal justice classes and these young people don’t talk.

You have to like drag stuff out of it. I’m like, wow, you guys want to be in law enforcement.

You’re going to have to speak up.

@24:39 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Well, for, yeah, absolutely. And, and that’s why I think the question that I, parents should ask as they’re listening to this is where would they learn that?

Where would they learn to speak up? Where would they learn to, how to talk to somebody and how to treat somebody?

Now they learn it hopefully from us as parents, but what’s our role as parents? Is it to have a structured way to teach them these things, a structured way to teach them to say yes, sir, and yes, ma’am, and when to speak up and put them in groups?

Well, we’ve got a lot of other stuff to do as parents. You know, we’ve got to provide for them and we’ve got to hopefully have fun with them sometimes and do lots of things.

So it really is what I think our parents really realize is it’s a requirement to have this layer of development that we provide for them that we help build them.

That’s why it’s called Karate Built Martial Arts that we build in their kids. And it’s not a fault of the parents that they don’t do that.

It’s just not our role as parents. I didn’t do that for my kid. Master Sam ordered that for my kid because he went to the school that she ran for us.

But it’s very difficult for us to do that directly with our kids. This is another way that we can provide that type of development for them.

@25:57 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

And I think…

@25:57 – Laura Sanborn

Oh, and his parents… Sorry, sir. But what I was thinking, as you said, that as parents, when we try to instill that, a lot of times it comes across as a negative correction.

Oh, you didn’t do that. You should have done this. Versus this is what we do. This is a culture.

This is what we do. This is what we do. This is what you say. This is where you bow.

This is where you go. So that it becomes internal versus the parents going, oh, you should have said yes, ma’am there.

Oh, you should say yes, sir. You didn’t say yes, sir, to grandpa. And it becomes a negative thing that the kids, they may do it, but they may do it with the wrong inflection.

Yes, sir. And that whole, I’ll do it because you said I had to do it, but it’s not part of me to do it naturally.

So it’s going to come out depending on my mood for the day.

@26:54 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Yeah. And in that case, that’s a great example. If you tell your kid to say yes, sir, and yes, ma’am, if I said that to my kid.

Then they’re going to be like, they don’t really have a good reason to do that. If they’re in an environment like we have, and we’re using a lot of time on yes sir and yes ma’am, but it’s lots of other things.

But if they come into our environment, and then we say yes sir and yes ma’am to them, and they say it to us, and then they get feedback that they’re, you know, give me five, I mean, that’s a positive feedback.

And then even more so when they move up in our training, when they get into our leadership classes, then they say things to the other students.

The other students say yes sir and yes ma’am to them. So they’re getting positive reinforcement. It’s not yelling at them to do something or being critical of them.

It’s here’s what we do, and now they get to continue to get positive reinforcement. So imagine your three-year-old or four-year-old standing up in front of a group of the other kids, telling them to do something because we have them direct the kids.

Not teach them, but they practice that kind of direction, and all the other kids say yes ma’am or yes sir.

Now they got treated. They’re like a very important person, and they’re getting positive feedback for that experience. So hopefully we can see how that’s different.

Because the same for me, if I told my son to say, independent of martial arts, to say yes sir and yes ma’am to people, it would be nagging.

And that doesn’t mean, and I have a great relationship with my kid, but it’s still, you know, that’s not our role as parents.

We have a certain level that we can push them to. And then at some point we have to teach them to push themselves.

And that’s what we teach them. That’s how we define discipline is learning to push myself even when it’s hard.

And that’s something that is a skill that is pervasive across everything that they do in life.

@28:44 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

I think that’s where parents start to feel like a partnership with what we’re teaching their kids. They’re hearing it, and then they reinforce it later.

Yeah, yeah.

@28:58 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Then it’s easy for the parents. They don’t have to … Now, what we’d love it to have happen, the best possible case is like you guys and me, that you guys as parents are in martial arts too, that you’re at Karate Built Martial Arts Training as well, because now you also get that …

It feels pretty good when somebody says yes sir and yes ma’am to you, or the other things that we do, how we treat each other, how we show respect to each other, and we’re doing this in a self-defense fighting situation, but we’re teaching everybody when it’s okay, when it isn’t, which is real life.

In real life, really, you know, using your martial arts as understanding when we don’t fight, which is most of the time, but if it was in danger of serious injury or death, you’re learning that, your kids are learning that, and imagine if you learn that together, and then you both reinforced each other.

It might be too much to ask for your kids to say yes sir, or yes ma’am to you as parents, but they’ll do it at the martial arts school.

@29:57 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

It is pretty funny though, when the parents write down on On the life skills sheet that my kid told me, good job.

@30:06 – Chief Master Greg Moody

You can get that every down end. Yeah, right. I mean, that’s something that, that’s a little thing, but it’s pretty exceptional.

If you think about it, it’s exceptional that a kid would say that to somebody. It’s exceptional that a kid would address people the right way.

It’s exceptional the kid would be able to stand up and not be afraid when somebody is bigger than them, which is everybody in the world except for kids their own age.

@30:30 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

That’s still true for me, sir.

@30:34 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Kind of true for me, too. Now I’m asking her anymore. She’s taller. So anyway, maybe that’s a good place to wrap up and understand that where we’re, what we’re doing is not just fixing the things that people came in wanting.

We absolutely do fix those or build those things. Self-confidence, self-discipline, physical fitness or safety. We absolutely help those, those, those things that people want.

theinctBERT that you’ve We give them the benefit of improving self-confidence, self-discipline, fitness, and safety. They get all that, but that’s just the foundation.

What we really build and what the value of what we do is, is where we take the kids or the adult students in the future and help them to be better people, better leaders, and happier with themselves.

@31:21 – Laura Sanborn

Yes. Any last thoughts, guys, or that’s good for today? I think that’s good for today. Yeah. We’re just teaching them to push themselves and push ourselves as well as them.

So as I noticed that for myself that there’s times when I just have to do something and I’m in the habit of going, okay, I got to do it.

So I have to push myself to do whatever it is that needs to be done. Well, Mr.

@31:49 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Flees, talked to Dr. Shaw, who’s a professor at university in Michigan there, the kids. this is, as the I had the experience when I was teaching the college class that the students, even in their 30s or 40s, wouldn’t speak up, wouldn’t ask anything.

And that’s a shame that they didn’t get this type of training when they were young. I promise our martial arts students would have expressed themselves at least in a polite way, hopefully.

You know, it doesn’t mean they’re being loud when they’re not supposed to, but in a polite way. So that’s something that is a priceless skill that we provide.

Sure. All right, guys. Well, thank you very much, and thanks a lot for being in our podcast.

@32:33 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

All right. Thanks, sir. See you next time. Thank you.

@32:37 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Okay, perfect. That was pretty good. Yeah, I probably should. So next time maybe let’s do, do you guys like that third level thing, and then we could do it for the next podcast?

Okay. Yeah, I like that. Let me make a note of that on the calendar and just remember when we’re doing this next.

So I don’t, I don’t, so the next one I’ve got down. So I, I. got a little trouble with the scheduling on these.

I may have to come up with a different proposed time because Tuesdays, the fourth Tuesday of the month, I usually have a commitment.

I’m at the therapy clinic the fourth Tuesday of the month. We could do the third Tuesday. I don’t really want to do that one, though.

What about, is the first Tuesday okay? I mean, that’s what I’d be, if I’m teaching at the school, then I’d be up there later.

@33:34 – Laura Sanborn

Yeah, I don’t have any, frankly, it’s not an issue for me on any one of those, so.

@33:39 – Chief Master Greg Moody

It’s Mr. Flees because you got to do it later. I’m going to be, let’s see if I’m in St.

Louis by then. Yeah, I might be able to do it on the 7th because I’m going to be at Spring Nationals and I fly in Tuesday morning.

@33:54 – Laura Sanborn

Well, I’ll be in Okinawa.

@33:56 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Oh.

@33:56 – Laura Sanborn

On April 7th. Oh.

@33:58 – Chief Master Greg Moody

Well, why don’t you and I try to figure it out? out? So for the next one, and then Mr.

Flees, we’ll use some options and hopefully something that we don’t end up moving around a bunch so we can stay consistent with it.

All righty. Thanks a lot. And so Mr. Flees, when, when it gets posted, you can thank Sarah for doing that.

@34:16 – Laura Sanborn

She’s usually posting the transcript and the blog of these. All right.

@34:20 – Mr. Dwayne L. Flees

I saw a picture on the rev marketing thing today too.

@34:22 – Chief Master Greg Moody

So. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause she’s doing the newsletter articles, doing a good job of that. So cool guys. All right.

Well, thank you very much. We’ll talk to you later. Thanks. Okay. right. Bye.

 

Dr. Moody is also a licensed psychotherapist and maintains a practice at Integrated Mental Health Associates (IntegratedMHA.com) where he specializes in couples therapy and men’s issues.